If The Hat Fits ...

I went to a ball game recently and spotted a man wearing a snapback cap adjusted to its maximum.  This triggered a flashback to youthful days playing baseball and the mild anxiety I experienced when hats were handed out. I never knew - until it was on my head - how the cap was going to fit. Two snaps were acceptable; three were ideal.  One snap was intolerable because it would allow the bands to flex.  I also had to stash the largest batting helmet to prevent teammates from using it. I once had a Little League coach who wore his cap with no snaps fastened.  To this day I don't know if he had a large head or just didn't give a damn.

The ideal solution is to wear a fitted cap, but beyond a certain size, they can be difficult to find, and they are not cheap.  Years ago I was shopping for a cowboy hat in a western-wear shop.  The kid helping me loudly announced, "This guy needs a seven-and-five-eighths!"  The manager quickly shushed his salesman to ensure the other customers would not be terrorized by the horror of a giant cranium.

And in case you were wondering, a snapback with excessive overlap is just as bad.  In this case, at least, the offending excess can be snipped off to improve the look.  Surprisingly, I found a modern snapback that I can actually wear with confidence. Hopefully, my head hasn't shrunk.

                          

                    too tight

just right

                           

With today's caps, there are multiple sizing options available. Choices include hook and loop (aka Velcro), adjustable strap, buckle closure, and flex-fit.  Of these, the flex-fit style provides the cleanest look.  Nobody should ever wear an ill-fitting cap again.

                           

                     hook & loop

adjustable strap

                                 

                        

                        buckle closure

     

flex-fit

It's no secret that I have a large head; I talk about it frequently.  Cranial girth is a family trait, known among siblings as "the family head".  The phrase is used facetiously, for example, when someone struggles to pull on a t-shirt: "It's the family head!"

My skull has an affinity for nearby objects.  Like a planet with its own gravity, it attracts shelves, car doors, and automated tellers.  I once struck my head on the overhang of an ATM as I leaned in to see the screen on a blindingly sunny day.  I was making a withdrawal, but not without depositing some skin.

Our heads sit precariously atop our unsteady, upright bodies; shielded from below but exposed and vulnerable from above. It's how we evolved; it's what makes us human. We have thick skulls, but that doesn't mean we have to be numbskulls. Life is short: Wear a hat that fits!

Heading to the bank!